7 Essential Steps To Stop Self-sabotage

Self-sabotaging behaviors manifest themselves consciously and subconsciously and are

preventative measures in blocking success. It is seen in all areas of life and demonstrates itself in

repeated behaviors set on default. It takes a concerted effort in bringing self-awareness around

behavioral patterns that present as blocks to achieving success. They are often formed early on

and become survival tools that initially serve us but eventually prevent us from achieving goals.

It can be seen in areas including financial, emotional, spiritual, mental, as well as physical. Some

areas to consider regarding self-sabotage are:

• They are self-defeating thoughts, behavior, and actions that prevent us from accomplishing
  expressed and suppressed goals or outcomes.

• Unintentional Self Sabotage- based on past behaviors and/or default settings

• Intentional Self Sabotage-disconnecting words and misaligned actions

• Unconscious Programming- stems from childhood, unprocessed trauma, modeling,
  default settings, maladaptive (often beginning as survival strategies, fear of success
  (holding and receiving)

There is often a reward to repeating these behaviors such as recreating familiar patterns

and permissible feelings despite potential deleterious effects. There are many seeming rewards to

repeating old self-sabotaging behaviors including familiarity and the false illusion of forward action.

However, it is just in essence repeated old behaviors. When individuals confront shame around

the identification of self-sabotaging behaviors without insight, they often continue to self-

sabotage. The role of unconscious self-sabotage is to remain hidden and not want to be

exposed. We begin with gentle nudges of needed attention and then they become metaphorical

bricks to the head. When we ignore the need to redirect self-sabotaging behaviors, they will

continually interrupt our movement forward. Then we become judgmental, frustrated, and even

skeptical. The reward here is the familiarity of behaviors. Without actionable direction, and without

confronting underlying struggles, we allow for the perpetual cycle to continue. This often

becomes intentional self-sabotage which is seen as an immersion into active addiction.

Individuals adopt substance use struggles, codependency, food addiction, gambling, social media struggles,

as well as other maladaptive behaviors. We are often hardwired with default settings that take a concerted effort to reprogram.

As indicated above, it stems from the early management of stress and trauma responses. We often then

become addicted to feelings elicited through self-sabotage behaviors such as depression,

exhaustion, and self-defeat. There are also common signs that accompany self-sabotage

behaviors such as:

Avoidance

Avoidance is a tool used to prevent us from taking action on professed

desires. This is often demonstrated in exerting effort in comfortable areas and avoiding

the areas that propel us forward. This, in essence, allows us to state we worked efficiently

but fundamentally avoided the exact thoughts and actions necessary to accomplish our

deep yearnings.

Chaos

This is often an intoxicating and addicting emotion and feeling. It is often

masked as efficiency due to energy expenditure. However, it falls under the category of

intentional and unintentional self-sabotage. It is demonstrated externally and

internally and is often associated with a trauma response.

Control

Control is a protective mechanism that provides safety and prevents organic

flow. It is often accompanied by a frenetic panic and working out of desperation rather

than inspiration resulting in self-sabotaging behaviors. 

People Pleasing

Many individuals utilize people-pleasing as a way to minimize external

chaos despite increase in internal chaos. It sabotages expressing needs and desires and is

marred with abandonment and resentment. 

Out of Alignment/Integrity

Individuals often sacrifice their values and integrity to remain

in self-sabotaging cycles. Stayin inside of the realm of your integrity is one of

the best ways to stop self-sabotaging. An example of this would include saying

no to extra work at work, knowing, that you are at your emotional capacity.

Comparison/Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome may be one of the most common self-sabotage behaviors. This crippling behavior

can stunt individuals from pursuing desired goals and perpetuate crippling cycles. It is easy to feel

overwhelmed and helpless when identifying the seeming overflow of self-

sabotage behaviors. Despite the potential inundation of identified behaviors, so are the solutions

available. One has to want increased insight and introspection around excuses created out of fear.

We may need accountability from a mentor or therapist, trusted friends, or another source of

support in order to seek solution-focused actions. Self-sabotage behaviors can be threatening, but

they can be overcome with continued practice. Because we become accustomed to our old

narratives, paradigms, and excuses- there is often a need for outside support.

The goal for most is to minimize sabotage behaviors. Simple in theory but requires a different perspective

in application. As overwhelming as the unraveling of these behaviors may seem, the

overwhelm of not unraveling them may seem catastrophic. Small actionable measures become

impactful actions resulting in desired outcomes. It can feel isolating but the reality is that self-

sabotaging behaviors affect everyone. Start your journey in dismantling self-defeating thoughts

by seeking support from an experienced psychotherapist and coach such as myself. I have supported

hundreds of people with this mission. Send me a message today so I can serve you.

Contact me here for coaching: Coaching support